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TLC 501 Assignment 1

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TLC 501 Assignment 1 Rubric and Feedback (20%)

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Marking criteria

    N Below 10/20 ü P 10-11.5 ü C 12-13.5 ü D/HD 14-15.5/16-20 ü
Content  
Task completion The task is not successfully completed, e.g., a global issue is not critically discussed.   Some aspects of the task are successfully completed.   The task is mostly successfully completed.   The task is successfully completed to a high level.  
Content development (Explanation of issues) There is much confusion about which issue is being discussed.   The central issue is clear, but the details need to be explained more clearly.   The central issue is quite clearly explained, but some aspects are unclear or unexplored.   The central issue is stated, described, and clarified so that understanding is very clear and nuanced.  
Argument development The argument is not coherently presented at the topic sentence level.     The argument needs to be presented more coherently at the topic sentence level.   The argument as a whole is quite coherently presented.   The argument is very coherently presented.  
Critical discussion of issues   Contains very little critical discussion (e.g., analysis, comparison, synthesis, evaluation or justification), and is mostly descriptive.   Contains some critical discussion (e.g., analysis, comparison, synthesis, evaluation or justification), but is largely descriptive.   Contains some critical discussion (e.g., analysis, comparison, synthesis, evaluation or justification), and evaluation of different of perspectives.   Uses critical questions to discuss the issue in a range of ways (e.g., analysis, comparison, synthesis, evaluation or justification), including evaluation of different of perspectives.  
Structure  
Introduction There is no effective introduction. There is no recognisable thesis statement.   The topic is introduced but does not follow a general to specific pattern. There are a number of unnecessary specific points or arguments. There is a recognisable thesis statement, but the writer’s argument is either not clear or overly simplistic.   The introduction follows a general to specific pattern setting the context, purpose and scope, leading up to the thesis statement and an overall plan of the essay.The thesis statement states the writer’s position and argument clearly.     The introduction clearly and logically sets the scene, states the purpose and scope, and leads up to the thesis statement with no unnecessary points or arguments. The thesis statement clearly states the writer’s position and takes into account the complexities of the issue.  
Body The body paragraphs lack topic sentences and are not organised in any logical way, and/or do not present well supported arguments   Some body paragraphs contain topic sentences, but are not organised in any logical way and/or do not present well supported arguments.   The body paragraphs present different aspects or perspectives on the issue in an organized way with clear topic sentences, reasons and examples from reliable sources.   The body paragraphs present different aspects or perspectives in a well-organized way with well-expressed topic sentences, reasons and examples from a wide range of reliable sources.  
Conclusion There is no conclusion or the conclusion fails to draw the ideas of the essay together.   The conclusion does not clearly draw the main ideas together, restate the thesis or expand the scope very well.   The conclusion draws the main ideas together, restates the thesis and expands the scope well.   The conclusion draws the main ideas together, restates the thesis and expands the scope very well.  
Using sources  
Referencing of sources (in-text, end-text) Not enough information has been used from academic sources and/or information from sources is not well paraphrased or quoted. Sources have been insufficiently acknowledged through in-text and end-text references.     Sufficient supporting information from sources has been presented but much of it is not well paraphrased or quoted. Sources have been insufficiently acknowledged through in-text and end-text references.   Information from sources is well paraphrased or quoted and appropriate in-text and end-text references are provided for many sources.   Information from sources is very well paraphrased or quoted. Appropriate in-text and end-text references are provided for most sources.  
Critical evaluation of sources and voice   Information is taken from sources without any interpretation or evaluation. The writer’s voice is not strong.   Information is taken from sources with little interpretation or evaluation. Viewpoints of experts are taken as fact, without question. The writer’s voice could be stronger.   Information is taken from sources with some interpretation and evaluation, but overall there is not enough questioning of experts. The writer’s voice is strong.   Information is taken from sources with enough interpretation/evaluation to develop a coherent analysis or synthesis. Viewpoints of experts are subject to questioning. The writer’s voice is strong and persuasive.  
Language use  
Flow (coherence, cohesion) The text is difficult to follow.  Ideas need to be organised more clearly and linked together more with transition signals and other cohesive devices (e.g. pronouns and synonyms).   The text needs to flow more easily with more clearly organised paragraphs and more frequent use of appropriate transition signalsand other cohesive devices (e.g. pronouns and synonyms).   Ideas are relatively well organised in paragraphs and the use of transition signals and other cohesive devices (e.g. pronouns and synonyms).improves the flow of the writing   Ideas are very well linked to each other through clear organisation and effective use of transition signalsand other cohesive devices (e.g. pronouns and synonyms).  
Vocabulary Very few academic and topic specific terms are used. A number of words are used inappropriately making the meaning of phrases difficult to follow   Some academic words and topic specific terms are used.  A limited number of words are used inappropriately making the meaning of phrases difficult to follow at times.   A range of academic words and topic specific terms are used. Words are mostly used appropriately making the meaning of phrases easy to follow   A wide range of academic vocabulary and topic specific terms are used throughout the essay.  Vocabulary use is appropriate and creative making the meaning of phrases very clear and a pleasure to read.  
Sentence structure, grammar and punctuation There are major problems with sentence structure, grammar and punctuation, which make the meaning of the writing difficult to follow.   There are some problems with sentence structure, grammar and punctuation, which may interfere with the meaning of some sentences. However, the meaning of most sentences is relatively clear.   The essay is generally written in well-structured, well-punctuated sentences, and there is some sentence variety. Minor grammatical errors in the assignment do not interfere with the meaning of the writing.   The essay is written in well-structured, well-punctuated sentences, and there is sentence variety. There are very few grammatical errors in the assignment. The variety of grammar and sentence types used enhances the reading experience.  
Grade   /20 Comments    

Assignment 1: Research Essay

Assessment value: 20%Due Monday 24th September 2018, 11pm

Length: 1000 words(plus or minus 10% of this word count is acceptable)

Task

  • Choose a global issue relevant to your country by exploring the online resources in the Learning Management System (LMS) and other sources.
  • Once you have chosen an issue, research the issue to identify critical points that you will discuss in your own argument (e.g., main causes and effects, why this issue is important,impacts on other issues,which responsesto the issue are most likely or least likely to succeedand so on)
  • Present clear reasoning and reliable evidence to support all your claims and arguments
  • Your final essay should refer to at least 6 appropriate references, including at least 3 academic journal articles (other sources may include appropriate book chapters, reports, magazine or newspaper articles, videos or websites)
  • Choose one or more critical points of discussion as your focus. Avoid trying to cover everything or merely describing the issue. Through your reading, also seek to identify different perspectives on these critical points of discussion.
  • Based on your reading and personal knowledge, develop your own position on the critical points of discussion you have chosen. This position can be influenced by one of the perspectives you have encountered, but it should be stated in a way that demonstrates some originality.

Style Guide
o The assignment is typed on A4 size paper
o The assignment is in 12-point font
o References are provided in Chicago, APAor another author-date style
o The assignment has ‘normal’ (2.54 cms) margins on both sides
o The lines in the assignment are 1.5 spaced

And finally…

  • Write your name and student number on the first page of your essay
  • Make sure you include your reference list at the end of your essay
  • You do not need a cover page.

Last modified: Friday, 29August 2018, 11.30am

Complete this checklist before submitting your assignment.  Answer Yes or No to each point.

Adapted fromhttps://www.monash.edu/rlo/research-writing-assignments/writing/editing-and-proofreading/editing-and-proofreading

Editing  (The ‘big picture’, structure and flow) Yes No Comments
Structural aspects Introduction: does it include a thesis statement (your main argument) and an outline statement (how the essay is organised?Body Paragraphs: do they each have a clear topic sentences? Do all the ideas in the paragraph ‘hang together’ cohesively and relate directly to the topic sentence??Are there links between paragraphs and sections (implicit / explicit connectors)?Conclusion: does it sum up your main points? Is there a final observation? Yes    
Coverage of your topic Have you answered the question or completed the task asked of you? Have you explored the issues raised by the topic to sufficient depth? yes    
Analysis and argument Have you provided adequate analysis? Have you demonstrated a critical approach to your sources and the topic? Is your argument supported by sufficient evidence and supporting information? yes    
Citations, quotations, paraphrasing Are there too many quotations? Are the quotations and citations from reliable, representative sources? Are the paraphrases written completely in your own words?Does every paraphrase and quotation have an in-text and end-text reference? yes    
Coherence Are the thought relationships clear? Are there signposts throughout to indicate where you have come from within the argument, and where you are going next? yes    
Logical development and flow of writing Is the writing style consistent and appropriate for an academic audience? Is the flow of ideas logical and smooth? yes    
Proofreading (formatting, referencing) Yes No Comments
Formatting Have you used font size 12 and used 1.5 spacing between lines?Have you set your margins to ‘normal’ (2.54 cmsleft and right)? yes    
Referencing information Are all facts, figures and ideas gathered from your sources referenced in-text and end-text (in the list of references)? Are all reference details complete (surname and year of publication, etc)? Are all references consistently presented in the required style (e.g. APA, Chicago, etc.)? yes    


 Proofreading (grammar, spelling)
    Examples and comments
Subject-verb agreement Yes No  
Do subjects and their verbs agree in number, particularly when a long or complex subject precedes the main verb?   yes   Incorrect The lecturer, as well as some of the tutors, are planning a test. Correct The lecturer, as well as some of the tutors, is planning a test.
Tenses      
Are your verb tenses consistent? Is there a logical reason for you to change the tense? yes   The present tense is used for stating main points, stating a scientific fact, reporting the position of a writer, and for making your own statements.The past tense is used to report or describe the contents, findings or conclusions of past research or events. Using past simple would suggest that a writer’s research is not currently accepted.
Sentence fragments      
Have you used complete sentences? yes   Sentence fragments lack a subject, a verb or both. A dependent clause on its own is also an incomplete sentence.
Run-on sentences      
Have you divided sentences into two by using either a full stop or a semi colon? yes   Incorrect We can see changes but not learning itself, the concept is theoretical and hence not directly observable. Correct We can see changes but not learning itself; the concept is theoretical and hence not directly observable.
Articles (a/an/the/zero article)      
Is the noun countable or uncountable, specific or general? Does the noun require an article, and if so, which one? yes   Normally, uncountable nouns cannot be pluralised in English: e.g. information, evidence, advice, knowledge, public.A specific countable noun normally requires ‘the’, while a non-specific one (one of many, not a particular one) would take ‘a’. Correct In Australia, a bill can only become a new law if it is passed by a majority vote in the House of Representatives and the Senate.
Parallel structures      
Are components of your sentence grammatically equal? Are elements of your sentence, lists for example, made up of the same kinds of structures? yes   Incorrect The following actions were taken: advertising the product, improve quality control and bring the retail price down. Correct The following actions were taken: advertising the product, improving quality control and bringing the retail price down.
Logical connectors      
Have you over-used or under-used linking words?Do they provide clear links between sentences and paragraphs? yes   For example, however, although, thus, as a result of, in comparison are some common linking words.
Pronouns      
Do pronouns refer clearly to an antecedent?   yes   If you leave the book on the table, you can take it after the class. Does the it refer to the table or the book?
Punctuation      
Have you used apostrophes correctly? yes   Apostrophes show possession. For example: The company’s after-tax profit fell in the second quarter of 2006.Contractions like it’s and won’t are rarely used in academic writing.
Spelling and capitalisation      
Have you spelt the same word in the same (correct) way throughout? E.g. targeted, operationalise, honour.Have you used capital letters consistently? yes   Use the spellcheck on your computer, but be warned: it will not find everything, and it will give you American spelling unless you set it to UK or Australian spelling.  

MANDEEP KAUR                                                                                         33514167

Overpopulation is one of the major global issue in India. Population in India is surging at an alarming rate due to high fertility and low death rates. Christian (1963) defines overpopulation as “an increase in the intensity of competition for space.” India ranks second after china in population growth all over world. According to 2011 census the population of India was 1.21 billion which is increased by 17.7% during last decade. According to Daris Baus(2017), the population of India surge by 15 million every year. Gladstone (2015) observed that in 2050 the population of India would exceed the population of china and would be reached at 1.7 billion. Thus, this essay focuses on the impacts of population growth and problems that arise due to overpopulation and the solutions for this problem. In this essay, it will be contended that the problem of population growth can best be addressed by increasing awareness through education, promoting family planning and the implementing of one child law by the government.

An increase in population in India results in increasing the rate of deforestation and loss of natural biodiversity. This is because people are cutting down the trees for building houses and factories on the land. In addition to this, from the census report it is vivid that 69.5% of forest area is cleared between 1874 and 2010 and due to increasing population people are using that land for tea production in India. Pandit et. al (2007) supports this by stating that deforestation is “strongly coupled to human population growth and economic development.” The logic with population increases and increasing rate of deforestation is directly linked to increase in demand for clearance of land and the increasing need for timber products. Deforestation is happening in India at a much faster rate because population is also increasing rapidly.

Another impact of population growth in India is high rate of unemployment which is rising due to the lack of jobs availability. Evidence reveals that the population of India has tripled since 1957.So, with the increasing population of India is not easy for the government to provide jobs to many people. Jobs seekers are many, but employment opportunities are limited. Due to this, tough competition arises, and people are ready to work for lower wages because everyone needs a job to fulfill their needs. Therefore, this problem could be solved by controlling the growing population, so that everyone can find a job because with the increase in population growth it is not possible to provide jobs to everyone.(Bhardwaj, 2018).

Additionally, there is more resource utilization as the number of people using motor vehicles will increase the demand for fuel. Also, there is wastage of precious non-renewable resources. Consequently, there will be scarcity of resources like land, water and other natural resources gives rise to the fundamental economic problem of choice. As a society cannot produce enough goods and services to satisfy all the wants of its people, it has to make choices. Lack of resources leads to less production and increased costs which ultimately give birth to inflation(Phukan, 2014).

The main reason behind an increase in population in India is poverty. According to world poverty clock (2018) 1.3 billion people live under poverty line. This poverty is caused by illiteracy because those who are uneducated cannot gain employment. Mostly people are uneducated, and they do not make family planning due to this children birth is increasing. Those people who live under poverty line cannot bear expenses and education fee of their children as their children have to do hazardous work to earn money and to fulfill their basic needs. As stated in Child labor prohibition act, 1956 which deals with all kind of child labor. In this act, many occupation and process which are related to hazardous work and many children who are below 14 years are involved in rag picking and rummage. (Chatterjee ,2015). Therefore, government should take initiative regarding this issue and they should aware people about family planning so that, population would be controlled.

Furthermore, increase in the birth rate of infants is serious cause to the rapid growing population in India. Birth rates are higher than death rates in India. So, death rates and birth rates should be equal to control over the population.  Death rates are decreasing slowly but the birth rates of infants growing every day at an alarming rate. Suri (1991) supporting this point by stating rapid increase in population because “a dramatic plunge in the death rate coupled with a high birth rate.” In India, birth rates are very high because parents are very conscious about their girls. So, most of the girls get married at the age between 15 to 16. At this age they are unaware about the family planning and not very educated and they are separated from their parents and friends.

The high birth rate in India can be alleviated through education because education help people to change their thinking. So, only through education people are made aware of the consequences of having more children. Educated people firstly give preference to their career and want to stand on their own feet after which they think about marriage. In addition to this, educated women generally avoid more children because of the education they have knowledge regarding this. Thus, highly educated females have not too many children. Even that educated men and women have low mortality rate that helps in the economic development of the country(Lutz and Kc ,2011). So, education plays paramount role to control the rapidly increase population in India.

The second way to control the increase in population in India is to eliminate the early marriage of girls. In India, minimum marriage age for girls is 18. But, the people who live in villages they feel their girls like a burden on them and they prefer to do their marriage before 18(Lutz and Kc,2011). Fertility depends upon the age of girls. Lower the age chances to give birth to many children. Saha (2017) asserts that the ratio of girls getting married before 18 was 1.78% however, this ratio has increased to 2.45% in 2011 in the rural area of the India whilst the count of girls getting early marriage declined in the urban areas of India. So, early marriages should be eliminated, and government should organize camps to abandon the child marriage through social media and other sources.

In addition to this, numerous methods were used to control populace like legalizing abortion and sterilization, but these ideas catch the attention of pitiable inhabitants who did not have knowledge of family planning as they were offered money for having such action. The government used to pay for 14 days of rest to women after having abortion. In 1956, a strong campaign supporting abortion and sterilization along with funding had been started, as a result of which over seven thousand people were sterilized. This campaign promoted the natives to limit only two children per family. Illiteracy became the main basis behind the success of this bad movement because needy natives were not aware of the detrimental impact of antibiotics and found them as contraceptives(Baus, 2017).

Neatly, family planning plays significant role to reduce the growing population. Population is drastically increasing because of the unintended pregnancies. From the survey it is found that in developing countries the percentage of unintended pregnancies is 40 whereas, in developed countries the percentage is 47. The unintended pregnancies are occurring because people do not use contraception. It is also estimated that 215 million women are getting unwanted pregnancies. Due to this, the population of would be at the peak after few decades. (Engelman,2011). To overcome these unintended pregnancies people should use safe sex techniques. In addition to this, sex education should be given through social media and other networking sites to prevent the unwanted pregnancies.

In order to manage population growth, plenty of solutions can be implemented. Providing education should extend beyond talking about sex and into the global consequences of overpopulation. Various policies should be regulated by the government for restricting the birth rate. China’s “One-Child’ policy was recently abandoned as it was encouraging gender inequality leading to female feticide. Regular programs must be organized for spreading information regarding bad results of population explosion among the public. People must be motivated towards conservation of resources and growing more trees. More children subsidies should be banned as it become the monetary reason for congestion(Uniyal, 2017).

In conclusion, population explosion in India results in many problems.. Every individual should put more and more efforts to reduce the population growth. Every individual should be educated. Specially, in rural areas, education should be given to girls and boys. Government should impose penalties and imprisonment  to those  who encourage their girls to get married in early age. So, both individual and government should take necessary steps to control the growing population in India Thus, it is the time to take essential steps to control population otherwise, increasing population in India would arise many other problems.

References:

Agency, I. N. (2005). Poverty-population-India. UPI Arabia 2000

Baus, D. (2017). Overpopulation and the Impact on Environment. Retrieved from:  https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2929&context=gc_etds/

Bhardwaj, S. (2018). Problems of unemployment in India and its solutions. Deliberative Research, 37(1), 55-58. Retrieved from http://libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/docview/2086689697?accountid=12629

Chatterjee, P. (2015). Child ragpickers in India and violation of their human rights. EvropejskijIssledovatelʹ, 91(2), 155-162. doi:10.13187/er.2015.91.155

Christian, J. J. (1963). The pathology of overpopulation. Military Medicine, 128(7), 571-603.

Dasgupta, P. S. (1995). Population, poverty and the local environment. Scientific American272(2), 40-45.

Deforestation; recent findings from polish academy of sciences has provided new information about deforestation (tea plantations as a driving force of long-term land use and population changes in the eastern himalayan piedmont). (2018, Sep 10). Journal of Engineering Retrieved from http://libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/docview/2100070427?accountid=1262

Engelman, R. (2011). An end to population growth: Why family planning is key to a sustainable future. The solutions journal, 2(3), 32-41. Retrieved from https://www.thesolutionsjournal.com/article/an-end-to-population-growth-why-family-planning-is-key-to-a-sustainable-future/ss

Gladstone, R. (2015, Jul 30). India’s population is seen surpassing china’s faster. New York Times Retrieved from http://libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/docview/1699806615?accountid=12629

Ilchman, W. F. (1969). ” People in Plenty”: Educated Unemployment in India. Asian Survey, 9(10), 781-795.

Ives, J. D. (1989). Deforestation in the Himalayas. Land use Policy, 6(3), 187-193. doi:10.1016/0264-8377(89)90051-3

Lutz, W., & KC, S. (2011). Global human capital: Integrating education and population. Science, 333(6042), 587-592. doi:10.1126/science.1206964

Pandit, M. K., Sodhi, N. S., Koh, L. P., Bhaskar, A., & Brook, B. W. (2007). Unreported yet massive deforestation driving loss of endemic biodiversity in Indian Himalaya. Biodiversity and Conservation, 16(1), 153-163.

Phukan, R. S. (2014). Overpopulation in India- Causes, Effects & How to Control It. Retrieved from:

Saha, D. (2017, Jul 13). Economic case for ending child marriage, early birth. IANS English Retrieved from http://libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.libproxy.murdoch.edu.au/docview/1918270760?accountid=12629

Suri, K. B. (1991). Overpopulation in India and the educational imperative. Social Service Review, 65(1), 22-42. doi:10.1086/603815

Uniyal, Shivani & Paliwal, Rashmi & Saun, Bhumija & K. Sharma, R. (2017). Human Overpopulation:. 10.4018/978-1-5225-1683-5.ch001.

TLC501 Research Paper: Written Response to Feedback

Name: Mandeep Kaur

Student Number: 33514167

1. Grammatical Errors and Proper Organization of Sentences :

There were some grammatical errors in the sentences which I had ignored but fixed with the help of feedback given by the tutor like population growth escalating at an alarming rate is written as population is surging at an alarming rate. In addition to this, sentences are reformed by putting suitable verbs and vocabulary as some of the sentences are too long while others are too short. The same are rectified by using connectors and conjunctions.

2.  Spelling mistakes and Use of Capital letters :

Few spelling errors were there regarding important words like ‘Census’ was wrongly written as ‘Censes’. Moreover, capital letters were utilized instead of smaller ones in some of the words. There were the beginners’ mistakes as these were committed due to promptness and ignorance.

3.  Use of Articles and Deletion of Extra words :

Usage of required articles is necessary for making the sentence more concise and clear. For instance, ‘appropriate solution’ should be written as ‘an appropriate solution’. Also, there were some unnecessary words used that modify the meaning of sentences, all those words are being deleted like ‘Than’ is not needed with ‘Exceeds’.

4.  Use of Formal words and Spacing :

Some informal are used in the essay like Bhardwaj (2018) ‘said’ which is misappropriation. So, the word ‘demonstrates’ or ‘states’ can be employed. Another example of it is in the conclusion ‘Government should give punishment’ in place of ‘Government should impose penalties and imprisonment’ seems formal. Spacing was also required between words which is now being done.

5. Referencing Sources :

 Most of the important information was given without proper evidence. Referencing is required to support such ideas and figures which is now being applied in well reputed styles like APA. In-text references are also disclosed for particular sentences so as to ensure easy access to that specific data.

6. Avoidance of Old References :

Previously, references more than 40 years old were used which are now being removed and the data from the same evidences is eliminated.

7. Use of Similar Font Style and Size :

The essay is now typed in font with same style[Calibri(Body)] and size(12) and there was diversity earlier.

7.  Explain in a few sentences if and how feedback from Studiosity helped you improve your draft of Assignment 2.

Yes, the uploading document on Studiosity helped me in a great manner. The main issues were organization of the essay  and presenting it in a well-styled formal way. Other problems like shortage of words and fitting right word at right place makes my research essay more weighted.

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